A Shoulder To Cry On
by Lauraz
Summary: Oliver's guilt becomes too heavy, but will he have the courage to admit the painful truth? Please review. Final chapter now up.
1. Chapter 1

**Holby City belongs to the BBC.**

**I've been thinking about this story for a while, I hope it's a decent one. I have to admit, I'm not sure about it.**

A Shoulder To Cry On

Oliver was standing outside the hospital, feeling so lonely and still numb from the sheer pain that was constantly in his heart since Penny's death. He knew he had probably come back to work far too soon. But staying at home was making him feel smothered. If he'd stayed there any longer he would have gone nuts. Oliver walked across the car park and through the automatic doors. People were going about their daily routines. Apart from him. He could hear nothing but Penny's last words echoing in his ears.

_"If you don't tell Hanssen by the time I come back, then I will." _Oliver's thoughts were soon broken by Malick's voice. "Valentine, welcome back. "I trust you're ready for this?" He handed Oliver some patient's notes. "Mr Abbott, he needs an aortic valve replaced, I want you to assist me - are you up for it?" Oliver looked taken aback.

"No I'm sorry, I can't do this." Malick looked at Oliver shaking his head.

"What are you talking about Valentine?" "This is your big chance to prove everyone wrong." Oliver shook his head again.

"I said no, Malick get someone else to assist you."

"Why have bothered coming back to work then?" His patience was running out. "Look just don't do anything stupid". Oliver shifted from one foot to the other. He looked at Malick who glared back at him, Oliver took a deep intake of breath. "I'm telling Hanssen the truth I'm not hiding from this." Malick looked as though he was about to explode. "I think you and I need a little chat." His voice was low and menacing, almost a growl. Malick strode into the staffroom, with Oliver reluctantly following behind him.

"Nothing you say to me will make me change my mind, I've thought a lot about this."Oliver swallowed hard before continuing. "It's the right thing to do."

"Oh really?" Malick couldn't disguise the sarcasm that laced his voice. "I really thought you had some guts, but I was obviously wrong."

"I'm doing this for Pen, I owe her this." "I can't do anything else for her now, but I can do this."

"RUBBISH!" Malick spat. "The only reason you are coming clean is so you that you can ease your guilty conscience. "So off you go, run off to Hanssen, ruin your career see if I CARE!" Malick's words cut through Ollie like a knife through butter.

"Why can't you support me?" Oliver's voice was almost pleading with the registrar. "If I don't do this then I will never forgive myself."

"You really think that confessing to Hanssen is going to fix everything?" Because let me tell you, it won't, and then what, huh?" Malick took Olile by the shoulders and fixed him with an unflinching stare. "You've already lost your sister, don't throw your life away too." Malick's tone had suddenly softened.

"I don't have a choice anymore, it's time I did the decent thing." His voice was shaking. "Penny did so much for me, it's about time I did something for her." Malick knew there was nothing more he could say.

Oliver walked slowly out into the corridor and down to Hanssen's office. It brought back memories of being summoned to the headmaster's office at his school. Only this time it wasn't for the trivial matter of picking fights. He stood outside Hanssen's door for several minutes, before finally knocking.

"Come in." Oliver's breath caught in his throat. There's no turning back he thought as he entered what felt like the lion's den.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Oliver Valentine slowly entered Henrik Hanssen's office feeling like a man who was about to stand in front of a jury, while they decided his fate. Only it was one man who now held Oliver's future in his hands, Henrik Hanssen. "Dr Valentine, what can I do for you?" The Swede motioned for Oliver to sit down. He inhaled deeply, hoping that Hanssen would give him a little time to compose himself. Oliver's mouth felt as dry as a sandpit.

"I must say I wasn't expecting you to return to work so quickly Dr Valentine." Mr Hanssen was sitting at his desk, he was holding a pen in one hand. Oliver squirmed in his seat. "I have had to face up to things." Oliver paused before managing to carry on. "I have made mistakes in my life, some bigger then others."

"We have all made mistakes Dr Valentine, there isn't a human being on the planet that is perfect." Oliver nods slowly. "I know, but-"

"It's quite understandable after a tragic loss like you have suffered that it makes you re-evaluate matters in your own life."

"You're right, but I can't grieve properly for Penny, I can't let her go, I'm not ready." Oliver can feels his throat constrict as he battles to control himself.

"Believe me, it will take time, probably longer than you expect." The tone of Henrik's voice had an unusually sympathetic sound to it. Oliver had only ever thought of the consultant as cold, distant, clinical and aloof. Certainly not the typical shoulder to cry on. But it was what the Swede said next which made Ollie think again.

"You see, Dr Valentine, I know only too well what you are going through."

"With the greatest of respect Mr Hanssen, you have no idea, I wake up and it's the first thing I think about, and the last thing I think about when I close my eyes."

Hanssen leans forward slightly and removes his glasses. I had a younger brother, Ludvik he was training to be a Neuro surgeon." He never got to fullfil his ambition, sadly he was killed in a road traffic accident shortly before his 21th birthday." There was a slightly awkward silence. Hanssen continued.. "We were very close, probably more so as we lost our parents at such a young age." "It made me want to succeed at my profession - in memory of Ludvik."

"I'm very sorry Mr Hanssen, I didn't realise"...

"Why would you?" "I haven't told anyone here." And I'd appreciate it if this conversation went no further then this room." Hanssen's manner had gone back to being controlled and distant and above all professional. "Now is there anything else?" Oliver knew if he delayed telling Hanssen any longer he would never come clean. "Yes there is one more thing I need to say." Hanssen sighed somewhat impatiently.

"Very well, what is it?" Oliver was shaking as he spoke. "I am a fraud I'm not a fully qualified doctor." Oliver had finally done what he'd promised Penny, he'd told the truth. Now he would have to deal with the consequences...

**I hope this is worth the wait, it's been pretty tough writing this chapter. I hope it's realistic enough! **


	3. Chapter 3

A Shoulder To Cry On

Chapter 3

**I've finally finished this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop as Oliver waited for Hanssen to react to the shocking news. He looked at Hanssen's face; his expression was always hard to read at the best of times. It was his eyes that gave the biggest indication of what he was thinking. Sharp, piercing, unforgiving, like an eagle's eyes as it swoops down on its prey. That was what it felt like too - he was defenceless. Hanssen was not a man normally lost for words, but this revelation was not one he had prepared for. Oliver started to wonder if Mr Hanssen had heard him. Hanssen did speak after what felt like an eternity.

"To say this is a huge disappointment and shock is an understatement of enormous proportions."

"I realise that Mr Hanssen -"

"NO, Mr Valentine, I don't think you do! You have not only damaged your own ambitions and reputation, but also put this entire hospital's reputation at risk! The very fact that you thought you could practice medicine without having the necessary qualifications is beyond my comprehension."

Oliver had never heard Hanssen raise his voice before. He felt very intimidated and wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

"I never meant it to go this far, it all just snowballed and before I knew it was out of my control... I was _so_ desperate to succeed..." The young man's voice trailed off for he knew Hanssen would not want to hear his pitiful, pathetic excuses. Hanssen had got up from his desk and he had turned his back on Ollie.

"As doctors we have a fundamental duty to our patients to treat them to the very best of our ability. They come to us at their most vulnerable where we are in a position of trust and privilege. We have people's lives at stake."

Hanssen turned to face Oliver whose face was pale and tearstained. All he could do was nod in agreement.

"You have been playing Russian roulette with the patients which is just not acceptable. If you don't have trust in this profession, well, you have nothing." Oliver nodded again.

"I am truly sorry, all I can do is apologise unreservedly for my actions. No words will be enough to express my shame or frankly my own disgust."

Hanssen looked at the broken man in front of him. Seeing Oliver in such a fragile and distressed state gave Hanssen no satisfaction whatsoever. In fact he did actually feel sorry for him. At least, on a personal level. But what he had done on a professional basis was absolutely unforgiveable.

"Does anyone else know about this?" Hanssen again locked Ollie in a steely stare.

"No, no-one else knows apart fom Penny, she was the one that told me to tell the truth. I promised her that I would." He paused for breath. "I was planning to come clean but Penny died, and I just couldn't do it." Again Oliver knew this was another lie, but he couldn't drop Malick into his mess too.

"I see." Hanssen sighed. "I am afraid I have no other choice but to report you to the GMC. I will also have to ask formally for your immediate resignation in writing, and whilst we wait for disciplinary procedures to commence, you will be suspended with immediate effect. I will hold a meeting with the hospital staff with regards to your situation, is that clear?"

"Yes Mr Hanssen." Oliver felt physically sick.

"You may go now, Mr Valentine." Oliver slowly got up from the chair, his head bowed as he walked out of the office, his medical career in tatters. He had finally lifted the burden that weighed so heavily on his young shoulders.

"Dr Valentine, you're needed in AAU where do you think you're going?" Oliver turned round to face Michael Spence.

"Get someone to cover for me, I don't feel well." Michael rolled his eyes.

"Great that's just great, we have a major RTA coming in and we need all doctors to be on call and ready."

"Sorry Michael, but I can't help." Oliver was close to breaking point.

"Yeah right, yet another crazy day on AAU, and we're understaffed." Michael didn't wait for Oliver to reply; he was already half down the corridor.

Malick had finished his shift. It had been another hectic day on the wards; with the RTA, everybody had been kept on their toes. His thoughts drifted to Ollie Valentine. He must have told Hanssen by now because he hadn't seen him since this morning. He did feel bad for his colleague, he had lost his sister after all. Malick phoned Oliver's number which went straight through to the answering machine. Malick decided not to leave a message. But for some reason Malick had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something was wrong. He got in his car and tried the number again.

"Hi. You have reached Oliver, I can't take your call at the mo, but please leave a message and I'll get back to you, thanks." Malick couldn't help but notice the cheery tone was in stark contrast to how he was earlier in the day. Malick's instinct told him again something was not right, so much so he didn't drive home, but straight to Oliver's house.


	4. Chapter 4

A Shoulder To Cry On

**Sorry for some mistakes I made in the last chapter, it has now been corrected. Thanks for all the great feedback. **

Chapter 4

Malick pulled up into the driveway at Oliver's house, he still couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. He climbed out of his car, he thought the house looked empty as he walked up to the front door. He knocked firmly on the door and waited, but there was no reply. Malick knocked for a second time again there was nothing. He bent down and peered through the letterbox. "Oliver open up, come on it's Malick!" "Please Valentine, I just want to check you're OK?" Again he hammered on the door. He was just about to storm off when an angry voice stopped him in mid - stride. One of the neighbours had come out to see what all the fuss was about. "Hey, what's all the comotion for?" "Can't you see no one's at home?"

I'm sorry for disturbing you, but I really must speak to Oliver." It's urgent."

"Why, what's the matter?" Malick didn't know what to say, after all he didn't actually know for sure if there was anything wrong. It was just a hunch, nothing more. If Oliver hadn't lost Penny and dropped Hanssen the bombshell about not being fully qualifed to practice, then he wouldn't be concerned. "Look, I work with Dr Valentine at Holby City General Hospital."

"Oh, well I haven't seen him, not since he left for work this morning." Malick could see the neighbour was still eyeing him with a great deal suspicion. "If you do see him tell him Malick needs to speak to him, alright?" The neighbour nodded rather impatiently and turned and walked back into his own house. It was now beginning to rain as Malick pulled out of the driveway. He decided to try to call Oliver yet again, but it still went straight to the automated message service. This time he did leave a message.

"Ollie it's Malick, why don't you pick up?" "Call me."

Malick thought he'd drive past the church yard where Penny was buried, maybe Oliver had been gathering his thoughts as he came to terms with his future prospects. Which after his meeting with Hanssen looked rather bleak. It had started to rain quite heavily as Malick arrived at the church. He spotted a hunched figure sitting on the church steps. Oliver didn't even look up as Malick approached.

"So this is where you've been hiding, why haven't you answered any of my calls?"

"I didn't feel like talking to anyone if you must know, you'd only start gloating anyway!" Oliver's speech was slurred.

"Have you been drinking?" Malick felt as though he was dealing with a bomb that was just about to go off.

"So what if I have?"Oliver snapped. "What's it to you?" Malick sat down beside him.

"I'm concerned about your wellfare actually." Malick wasn't well known for his empathy and understanding, yes he knew Oliver had been through a very rough time, but what was the point of moping around?"I'm guessing you told Hanssen about your dark little secret then?" Ollie nodded glumly. "How did he react?"

"How do you think?" Oliver's voice was dripping with bitterness. "He told me in no uncertain terms that I had totally screwed up, those were not his words but that's what he meant, he said the medical profession was all about trust and we are in a position of 'trust and privilege.' "I've damaged the hospital's reputation and my own." He shivered violently as the rain soaked into his jacket. Malick took off his coat and wrapped it round Ollie, who either didn't care or didn't notice. Oliver suddenly smiled, which made Malick feel slightly uncomfortable. "Don't worry I didn't drop you in it to Hanssen."

"Right now, I couldn't give a toss if you told Hanssen, I am more concerned about the state your in."

"I'm fine, what could be possibly be wrong, other than the fact that Penny is dead and my career has been flushed down the toilet?" Oliver was now rocking backwards and forwards like a mad man. "Listen why don't you come back to my place you look freezing? Malick was trying hard not to lose his temper.

"No, I'm not leaving! I can't!" Oliver yelled.

"LOOK, don't be stupid, you've been drinking heavily and it's cold and you're already showing signs of hypothermia." But it wasn't only the danger of hypothermia that was worrying Malick because now he was also concerned that Oliver was beginning to show symptoms of alcohol poisoning. "I can see her, I can, Penny's with me, s-she's right here". He looked pleadingly at Malick.

"Ollie come on man you know Penny has gone." Malick tried to be as gentle as possible with such a fragile man who was barely making any sense anymore. "I'll tell her I'm sorry."That's why I need to stay here, she needs to k-know I'm sorry." His stuttering was now far worse and he was incoherent. "Oliver you can come back tomorrow, let's go in the car, you are not well mate."

Malick put his arm strongly around Oliver's waist as he tried to help him onto his feet. Oliver staggered to a standing position, but almost toppled over as Malick used all his strength to keep Ollie upright. "Where are we going? Oliver protested, sounding almost like a toddler being dragged along by his parents. Eventually they made it back to the car, where Malick helped Oliver into the front seat. He quickly gave Oliver some bottled water - which because he was shivering so much he nearly spilt. Malick grabbed a rug from the backseat and draped it over him. He ran round to the driver side and started the car.

"Ollie I need you to stay awake, I need you to talk to me."

I need to go to sleep, I'm very tired." Oliver had deterioated so fast his skin was turning blue, and his breathing was becoming ragged.

"No, you can't go to sleep Oliver." Listen to me Ollie, I'm taking you to the hospital, but you must STAY AWAKE." Malick was trying to keep his eye on the road but it was so difficult. "I need Penny," Oliver mumbled.

"I know, I know, hang on in there Valentine." Malick knew he was running out of time, as struggled to keep things under control...

**I really hope you enjoy this.**


	5. Chapter 5

A Shoulder To Cry On

**This chapter is going to be a little different. I know it's taken awhile, but I hope you like it.**

Chapter 5

Malick screeched to a halt in the hospital car park. He checked for a pulse on Oliver's neck, he was drifting in and out of consciousness. "Come on Oliver, don't do this to me, come on stay with me." Oliver wasn't responding as Malick got out of the car, ran round to the passengers seat. Even for a man of Malick's size and strength it took an almighty effort for him to carry Oliver's slumped body the short distance to the hospital entrance.

"I need some help here now!" Elliot Hope looked up and hurriedly made his apologies to his patient as he went over to assist Malick with Oliver. They moved him onto a trolly. "He's got hypothermia, and is also showing signs of severe alchol poisoning, we need to get fluids in as quickly as possible." They attach Ollie to a drip and heart monitors and try and keep his body temperature stable. Elliot places an oxygen mask on to him. "Do you know how much he 's been drinking?"

"No he wouldn't tell me, the stubborn so and so." "He wasn't in a good way when I found him he wasn't making any sense at all, at one stage he said he could see Penny."

"Right I better run some blood tests, there maybe some other substances in his system." "I need you to contact his parents, poor people they've been through enough." Elliot shook his head sadly. Seeing Oliver lying motionless brought back painful memories of his own, his wife Gina and his son James were never far from his thoughts. As he walked down the corridor the tall lean figure of Mr Hanssen came towards him. "Ah Mr Hope, how are we coping on Darwin?" Elliot tries to sound positive. "We're not doing too badly, actually." Hanssen nods with approval, "Good, I'm glad to hear it." Are there anymore casualties coming in?"

"The ED have agreed to take the last few patients as we are near full capacity."

"A wise decison." Hanssen starts to walk away, Elliot quickly follows him. "Erm, there is one more thing Mr Hanssen." Elliot knew he'd have to tell his colleague before he found out from someone else. "What is it?" He looked at Elliot, who paused before delivering the news. "Oliver Valentine has just come into Darwin as a patient." Elliot noticed Hanssen's normally calm face tighten ever so slightly. "How is he?"

"Well to be perfectly honest with you Henrik, he is in a very bad way, Malick brought him in with hypothermia and suspected alcohol posioning I'm going to run some tests to see if he has any other substances in his body." Elliot can see even someone as cool and calm as Henrik Hanssen is shocked by the turn of events, it was just a few hours ago that Henrik had to tell everyone the unbelievable truth about Oliver.

"I trust you have informed Mr Valentine's parents."

"Malick is contacting them." Hanssen nods."Please keep me informed about his condition."

"Of course."

When Elliot received the results of Oliver's blood tests, he was relieved to see that there was no sign of any drugs in his system, but the major concern were the very high levels of alcohol in his body, which meant his life was in danger. He was still deep in thought when he heard the all to common sound of the bleeping monitors going off. "I need the crash team in here now!" Elliot ran to assist Malick who was already doing chest compressions." Elliot quickly grabbeed hold of the defibrillator. "He glanced at the monitor which had flat lined. "He's gone into VF, charging to 100, clear." "No nothing," Malick gave Ollie a shot of adrenaline. "I don't get it, he seemed stable a minute ago, then his BP just went through the floor."Charging to 200, clear!"

"Still nothing, come on Valentine stop messing around." This is not a good time to throw in the towel."

"Charging to 300, clear." Elliot was determined not to lose the young man. But he was starting to feel a sense of deja vu. Why is it that so many good young people had died in recent years? Linden Cullen, Maddy Young, and Penny Valentine. It all seemed so unjust.

"Charging to 300, clear!"

"No output, this isn't looking good." Elliot looks at Malick firmly. "Since when did you give up so easily?" I never had you down as a quitter." "Charging to 360."

"I'm not the one who appears to have given up," Malick retorted. He continues the heart compressions. "You're right, I'm not a quitter - and I'm not about to bale on him now."

_It didn't happen straight away, one minute I remember Malick talking to me, saying that he was taking me to hospital telling me everything was going to be fine. I was drifting in and out of consiousness. I knew I'd pushed my body to far by drinking too much, but I just wanted to escape at least for a while. I'm feeling lighter now. I feel different already. Like the pressure has been lifted off me. Which is a massive relief - because I know now that I don't have to hide anything anymore, after years of deceit and lies. I'm walking with a spring in my step and hope in my heart. Suddenly I have to shield my eyes from a bright light that seems to be coming towards me. I am being drawn to it. I look behind me, and to my surprise there is a black tunnel stretching out. I decide to carry on walking forwards the white light seems to be having an hypnotic effect on me. I begin to wonder if this is some sort of weird dream that I'm in the middle of. That'll teach me to drink too much! I feel something brush my arm. I stop, maybe it's my imagination running wild. _

_"Hello Ollie, it's me." I catch my breath. No it's not possibe, it can't be. "Penny?" I feel stupid even saying her name because I know she is dead._

_"Who else could it be?"_

_"But you're dead." I stutter. I'm feeling utterly flabbergasted._

_"I am, the question is what on earth are you doing here?"_

_"I don't know," I say truthfully. "I really miss you Penny." "It's not the same without you, I think about you every single day."_

_"I miss you too, like crazy."I felt so guilty on the last day I saw you, and I didn't even get to say goodbye, I was so furious with you for lying." I choke back tears. "I'm so sorry, Pen for everything, for all the times I let you carry the blame for my mistakes." I'm such a coward."_

_"Telling Mr Hanssen in the way you did were not the actions of a coward." I've never been so proud of you."_

_"You saw that?"_

_"I did, I know how hard it must have been." I've been watching you, mum, dad everybody, by the way tell mum and dad I love them when you wake up."_

_"I don't want to go back, I want to stay here with you." I realise Penny's voice is weaker then it was. It's not your time not yet." "You're not on your own, I am with you even when you can't see me." "I love you bro." _

_"I love you too Pen." My emotions are so intense, happy, sad, confused even. But as I feel myself being pulled back, I know how lucky I am._


	6. Chapter 6

**Apologies for taking so long, I have read this through so many times, changing bits and pieces so I hope it's not got too many mistakes. Enjoy!**

A Shoulder To Cry On

Chapter 6

Anne and Richard Valentine were sitting by their son's bedside. They'd received a phone call from a Dr Malick at the hospital. Anne knew it was bad news by the very sombre tone to his voice. Her first thought being, "it's happening again." They drove to the hospital as quicky as they could. On arrival, Elliot Hope told them their son was critical but stable. He took them down to ITU. Richard Valentine put his arms around his wife as they followed the consultant down the long corridor. The smell of sterile disinfectant hung in the air, their shoes squeaking as they walked. They were both dreading this moment, the last time they were here it was to see Penny for the final time in the chapel of rest. It was still so very raw and painful. Only six weeks had past since their daughter had died, and now this.

"Ollie, keep fighting son," his mother was gently stroking his hair. He looked so pale and weak. Richard turned to Elliot, a worried expression on his face. "He will wake up? Won't he?"

"We think he's through the worst, we will have to monitor him very closely." " At the moment he is sedated and comfortable." "If his condition continues to improve, we may be able to wake him up this afternoon."

"You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear you say that." Anne wiped her eyes with a hankerchief. "This has been a total nightmare for both of us, we just want him to get better." Losing our son is impossible to even contemplate, after we lost Penny, well our lives have been ripped apart."

"I understand what you must be going through." Elliot still found it hard to talk about his own personal losses. "I lost my wife, and my son a few years ago."

"We're both very very sorry, the pain never goes away does it?" Elliot shook his head ruefully. "Unfortunately not, but maybe the passing of time does make it a little easier."Elliot's pensive frame of mind was broken as Malick comes in.

"Mr Hope, you're needed on AAU, Mr Alexander is complaining of abdominal pain." "I've seen the CT scan and I think we should do an endoscopy."

"Right, OK, I'll take a look, by the way Dr Malick this is Anne, and Richard Valentine." Malick steps forward to shake their hands.

"We can't thank you enough, if it wasn't for you God knows what would have happened to Ollie, it really doesn't bare thinking about." Richard looked relieved to finally meet the man who helped save his son. "I'm just doing my job." Malick's voice sounded uncharacteristically humble. "Page me if you need me." Malick nodded.

"Thank you, Mr Hope." The couple both said in unison.

"No problem at all." Elliot smiled.

"Later that afternoon Oliver was woken up from his medically induced coma. His eyes fluttered and he let out a low moan. "Hey Ollie, we're here don't worry sweetheart," his mother said. Oliver tried take the oxygen mask off to talk. But Malick put it back in place. "You should really keep that on, you'll feel a bit groggy for a while." Richard gently squeezes Oliver's hand. "Dr Malick's right, Ollie, you need to take it easy."

"Yes you need to rest, you've given us all quite a scare." "I'm just so glad you've pulled through, I was so worried when the hospital rang." Oliver put his hand up and wiped the tears that were falling from his mother's eyes. Even though he felt drowsy, he could still sense the sheer anguish his parents had gone through."

"Sorry... For everything." His voice was croaky and weak." Again he slowly took the mask off. "I need to tell you something -"

"It can wait, you save your energy." His father looked slightly confused as Oliver spoke again.

"It's all a lie, I'm not what you think I am." Malick motioned for Oliver to calm down. He replaced the mask. He could see the look bewilderment on the the Valentine's faces. His father tried again to placate him. "Look, we know how difficult things have been for you lately, we should have been aware of your struggles - perhaps your Mum and I have failed to be there for you, but rightly or wrongly we thought you were coping." Anne lets out a small sob and puts her head in her hands.

Malick adjusts one of the drips and checks the monitors, he had automatically assumed Oliver had already told his parents the truth. The thing is, if they didn't hear it from Ollie they were bound to hear it from somewhere else. Everyone was talking about it, soon it would be all over the wards, you couldn't exactly keep that kind of thing quiet for long.

"If either of you want tea or coffee, you are welcome to use the relatives room if you need a break."

Anne looked over at Oliver, who gave the thumbs up, he'd given up trying to speak, his head was still fuzzy with the effects from the sedation. His mother bent down to give a kiss, and left with her husband. After Malick had left the relatives room he went straight to find Hanssen. He almost ran into Jac. "Watch it! Are you blind or something?" Ignoring her death stare he asked if she'd seen the Swede.

"No I haven't, he's probably helping Mother Theresa, otherwise known as Sahira with one of her latest projects." "If you look up the definition of the phrase teacher's pet in the dictionary I bet you will find Sahira's name somewhere." "By the way, how's doctor 'Fraud' doing?"Jac made no attempt to sound genuine.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but he's doing well all things considered," Malick replied sharply.

"Well for once I think Hanssen has done the right thing, by sacking him."

"Yeah well, you would say that wouldn't you?" "Because you've never done anything underhand in your career to try and reach the top."

"At least I've never done anything illegal and down right dangerous!" Jac spat back. Malick just about kept his temper under control. "He deserves a second chance!"

"He blew it, you don't get second chances in medicine, face it Malick - Valentine's a lost cause." Jac turned on her heels and walked off. Malick was just about to go back to check on Oliver when he saw Hanssen emerge from the lift.

"Mr Hanssen, can I have a word?" It was supposed to be a question but it sounded more like a demand.

"As you wish, but I have to attend a budget meeting in 15 minutes. Hanssen strode into his office, closely followed by his registrar. They sat down. "Before we start, I hear Oliver Valentine has woken up?"

"Yes, although he had to resuscitated at one point but thankfully he's seem to be fine." "Actually Mr Hanssen, it is Oliver I wanted to talk to you about."

"Go ahead then Mr Malick". The tall man looked imperious as he sat back with his arms folded behind the large desk.

"I don't think you should sack him, I strongly believe he has the makings of a good doctor." "The NHS needs good doctors." Hanssen's expression was stern. "The NHS also needs professionals with the correct qualifcations to do the job that is required, other it will lose all credibility."

"I know what he did is wrong, but surely you can see that hanging him out to dry with nothing to fall back on isn't the answer." Hanssen sighed a little impatiently. "Whilst I do admire your loyalty to your colleague, I feel it is somewhat miss - placed, as Director Of Surgery I can't afford to be lenient.""This is a delicate situation and needs to be handled as such." Malick's fist bangs down hard on the table. "I always thought you were better then this, but I was obviously wrong," he snarled. Hanssen watched as Malick stormed out of his office. Hanssen knew he was in a no win situation. But what could he do? The lines furrowed on his brow, as he realised he didn't have the solution. This wasn't something he was accoustomed to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks again for the reviews, I hope you enjoy this chapter too.**

A Shoulder To Cry On

Chapter 7

Oliver closed his eyes and put his head back against the pillow, he finally had told his parents the truth. They had been through so much that the very least they deserved was for him to be honest. His mother had said that once he had fully recovered from everything, he must have been wanting to go back to, but she warned Oliver not to rush back again this time. Oliver couldn't hold it in anymore. He ended up blurting it out. Everything...

At first there was a stoney silence, then a lot of head shaking. His father stammered the words,_ "How could you stoop so low?" " How could you do that to Penny?" "Your sister, your flesh and blood!"_ Oliver had never seen his Dad look so angry, or so let down his mother was speechless. He didn't dare to even try and justify his actions. He'd had more then enough of that to last him a life time.

_"I'm truly sorry, the thought of failure terrified me so much and I did the worst thing possible. "I never meant to disappoint you or put Penny in that positon." _

_"That is exactly what you've done!" "I don't think we can ever forgive you for this!"_

That was three days ago, he hadn't heard anything from them since. He had tried calling home but nobody answered. Not that he blamed them. He winced in pain has he tried to adjust his position. The bruise on his stomach still hurt from where the tube had been inserted to remove the excess alcohol in his body. The dark ugly purple blemish on his skin was a reminder of how far he had fallen. There was a firm knock at the door, Oliver looked up and was slightly surprised to see Henrik Hanssen enter the room. "How are you feeling, better I hope?"

"Yes, much better thank you Mr Hanssen." Mr Hope has said I'm being discharged tomorrow."

"Good, no doubt you are looking forward to going home." Hanssen rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I've just had a very interesting chat with Mr Malick about your situation." Oliver tried to sit up. Hanssen walked over and gently moved the pillow into a more comfortable position behind his back. "He's adamant that letting you go would be a grave mistake and that I should reconsider my oringinal decision." "I know Mr Malick has a habbit of making rash choices, he sometimes allows his heart to rule his head, the thing is he seems to have a lot of faith in you doesn't he?" Oliver glanced at the rather intimidating frame of Hanssen. Ollie smiled slightly as he replied, "Malick seems to have more belief in me then anyone, even myself."

"Do you think that Mr Malick is right to have such strong faith in you Mr Valentine?" Oliver was starting to wonder where this conversation was going. "I don't know - my future is in other people hands now and besides after everything that's happened now I really need to think hard about my life and what I want to do next." "I told my parents the truth, needless to say it has gone down like a lead balloon - no one like to find out that their son is a liar and a cheat."

"I take no pleasure in ruining someone's career," I am aware that the burden of expectation can sometimes weigh a little too much." "That is why I feel the correct solution to this problem is to offer you a second chance." Oliver for a split second thought that Hanssen must be joking but he knew Hanssen well enough by now to realise the Swede was not the type to mess around. "You will have to retake your F1 year, I will be supervising your progress _very _closely." Oliver was overwhelmed by such an offer. "T-thank you Mr Hanssen, I-I really don't know what to say." "I won't let you down." Hanssen gave a the briefest of smiles before adding in a serious tone, "You better not."

A few hours later Oliver was discharged from the hospital feeling like someone had thrown him a lifeline. He arrived back with at the flat with a strong sense of determination knowing he had to make the most of his life now. As he walked in the door, he noticed a letter. He bent down to pick it up, cursing as he still felt very sore. As he scanned the evelope he recognised the writing from Malick straight away. He sat down and wondered why on earth Malick would write him a letter? His face turned paler with every line he read. By the time he got to the end he was as white as a sheet...


	8. Chapter 8

A Shoulder To Cry On

Chapter 8

_Dear Ollie,_

_I don't normally write letters, it's not something that comes easily to me. In fact this is the first time that I've put pen to paper in years, and my bin is currently over flowing with screwed up attempts to write something that makes sense. I'm just relieved you have pulled through after everything that's gone on. Treating you has been difficult for me, partly because I didn't expect it to affect me so much, you were supposed to be just another patient that needed help and a listening ear. I've always prided myself on being able to detach myself away from personal circumstances, that's what you are told to do as a doctor. But I haven't been able to do that with you. I guess what I'm trying to say to you is this... I care about you a lot. I know it's crazy for me to say it. I've been trying to ignore my feelings, brush them under the carpet. Something I'm rather good at I think. People have perceptions of me - some are right and some are way off the mark. I know I can come across as brash, selfish and arrogant sometimes. I don't always think before I speak. That's why writing to you now is so hard. My head is full of emotions that I can't quite deal with at the moment. It's kind of scary for me, thinking like this. But the fact you nearly died has made me realise what the truth is for me at least. You've been to hell and back and I know reading something like this must be weird for you but I have to be honest. These are feelings which I can't hide from anymore._

_I hope my rant at Hanssen hasn't made things worse. I just don't want you to give up, you have too much potential Oliver, I just hope Hanssen gives you another chance otherwise in my opinion it's a waste of talent. Someimes I wonder why you doubt yourself so much. I've always trusted you, even after you told me the truth about you and Penny. I'm sure Penny would want you to make the most of your life now you've come clean. I really hope you can somehow restart your career after this. It won't be easy, but nothing worth fighting for is. _

_I am staying with my mother for a few days, before I return to work, she's not been feeling well and asked me to go and visit. But hopefully when I see you next week you will be fighting fit! That is if you are still talking to me after reading this letter. Maybe we should talk face to face. The last think I want to do is to ruin our friendship. But if it does I will understand why. I just needed to tell you. _

_Malick._

**I really hope you like this, I've found it very hard to write to be honest, so please review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I wanted this to be a soul searching chapter for Ollie. The next chapter will be the final one in this story.**

A Shoulder To Cry On

Chapter 9

Oliver tossed and turned as he lay in bed and tried to force himself to fall asleep but the more he tried the harder it seemed to be. He looked at the clock which said 2:26 am. Why couldn't he sleep? Tiredness certainly wasn't an issue, he was warn out after the trauma and the upset that he'd had to endure. Oliver wondered if his parents were lying awake too. He let out a long sigh, sooner or later he would have to try and mend some bridges between them. That was perhaps the most difficult challenge he would have to face. Hanssen had been extremley generous in giving him a second chance, and Oliver was more than grateful to his boss for believing in him. His parents however were possibly not going to be so forgiving. That was obvious from their angry reaction, particularly his father's outburst. Ollie couldn't help but shudder as he replayed the hurtful words, somehow it seemed worse now then it did then. There was no light in the room apart from the faint glow of the numbers on the clock. Even the silence was strangely loud. Magnifying his thoughts that wouldn't stop echoing in his brain. The blackness was like a blanket that was smothering him, forcing him to face his demons. He could feel tears prickle his eyelids, he couldn't remember a period in his life where he had cried so much.

Finally he gave up on the idea of sleep, he sat up and switched on the light beside his bed, he blinked as his eyes slowly adjusted to the sudden brightness. Wiping away tears with the back of his hand, he got up and kicked a pile of untidy clothes he'd left on the floor away. Before changing his mind, folding them neatly and putting them in a drawer. He pulled on his dressing gown and walked through to the kitchen.

He put the kettle to make himself a cup of tea, he took a packet of ginger biscuits out of the cupboard and waited for the kettle to boil. His eyes fell on Malick's letter. Picking it up he read the contents again. He really hadn't had a clue that the registrar had those kind of feelings for him. In a way he admired Malick for being upfront with him, at least he knew what he wanted. He was always straightforward. To Malick a spade was a spade. Oliver on the other hand was indecisive, unsure and sometimes quite lazy. Penny had been on and on at him to work harder. "You get out of life what you put in." That was her motto. Ollie sipped carefully from the steaming mug of tea and dunked his biscuits. He realised he'd never stuck at anything, whether that be his work ethic, or his rather cocky and half - hearted attempts at long term relationships. One night stands had been plentiful. Especially at Uni - girls used to fall for his charm, his boyish good looks, even his cheesy chat up lines. His intelligence was obvious. Passing GCSE and A - levels came so easily to him.

By the time he left school and went to Oxford University his self confidence gradually drained away. The pressure of going to such a prestigious and famous university was phenomenal. The standards expected were always incredibly high. Of course both his parents had been extremely proud that both their children had reached such a high achieving institution. The fact that they went to the same uni, and took the same degree added extra stresses and strains - because there was a need to compete and try and do better then the other one. Eventually Oliver's marks had started to slide, while his sister's dedication paid off and she passed her exams with relative ease. Ollie had been known as the 'golden boy' throughout secondary school. All of sudden that tag became a millstone around his neck. He still vividly remembered the pain he felt when he opened his final exam paper. The utter despair when he opened his final paper was unbearable, seven years of hard work of study of stress had come down to nothing. Oliver's failure was made worse when he found out his sister had passed with top marks. The thing was Penny wasn't aware she passed her exams with distinction. Oliver had received his results first it and had not told anyone he had failed. It was then he took the deplorable decision to swap his results for Penny's. A decision he regretted on a daily basis. Now he not only had to make a success of his medical career for his sake, but also for his late sister.

He made his way through to the living room as a small chink of light made its way through the curtains, he could hear the dawn chorus outside as the world began to wake from its slumber. He was determined this time he was not going to be a disappointment to anyone anymore.

Now all Oliver had to do was figure out was what - if any feelings did he have for Malick? He'd always considered himself to be a straight guy, he'd an eye for the ladies. He enjoyed the company of women and there was no question he could be flirtatious. But it never got beyond a bit of fun, he was young free and single, but it never came to anything truly meaningful. In fact he wasn't able to say if he'd ever really loved anyone. In recent years he'd had lots of girlfriends and plenty of flings, he remembered with embarrassment his dalliances with Chrissie and Jac. All of which came to nothing - not that he could imagine anything happening between himself and Jac Naylor!

One thing was for sure his next conversation with Malick was bound to be strange and slightly awkward but it was one that needed to happen. He still had no idea what he was going to say to his colleague when he returned to Holby. Maybe Oliver could finally put some some ghosts to rest...


	10. Chapter 10

**I've finally finished this story, it's taken awhile so I hope you enjoy it. **

A Shoulder To Cry On

Chapter 10

If Oliver thought he was about to be eased gently back into work, he was wrong. A young boy, named Charlie had been rushed in with a severe anaphylactic shock to peanuts. The 13-year-old boy had come in with his parents and identical twin brother Leo. He was suffering from swelling around his face and throat, and was having difficulty breathing. He was rushed into Darwin. Where Oliver and Mr Hope immediately inserted an intravenous drip, and also administered an injection of adrenaline to try and ease Charlie's immediate symptoms. Oliver glanced over to Charlie's family. "Has he suffered such a severe allergic reaction before?"

"No, never like this, one minute he was laughing and joking with us - and then before we knew it he couldn't get his breath." We always try and be so careful, we check the labels without fail."

"So had Charlie eaten anything before hand?" Elliot asked, as they moved him over to the bed as carefully as possible.

"I honestly don't know how this could have happened, he hadn't eaten since breakfast this morning." Mrs Robinson looked at her husband who looked equally bemused. "Yes he was fine, wasn't he Leo?" Leo just nodded as if he was too traumatised to speak.

Elliot was relieved to see Charlie's conditon had already improved slightly as the fluids began to take effect and his heart rate slowly returned to a more normal speed. "Well the good news is, Charlie's condition has stabilised. If his condition continues to improve at its current rate we should be able to give him some antihistamines which should reduce his symptoms any further." It was crucial you acted as quickly as you did otherwise it could have been a lot worse."

"Thank you, Mr Hope." Ollie could see Leo almost shrink back in the chair. He looked so scared - seeing his identical twin in such a sorry state must be terrible. Mr Robinson looked at Elliot with a bemused expression. "I still don't understand how this could happen?"Elliot gave Mr Robinson a reassuring smile.

"Sometimes it doesn't take much to trigger such a strong reaction, the contact only has to be minimal." Maybe Charlie had touched a work surface that had been accidently contaminated with peanuts, not realising he then could have put his hand to his mouth and that would have been more than enough to cause a severe anaphylactic shock." But the good thing is he is out of immediate danger." Leo suddenly said in a voice that was barely audible,"It was my fault, I'm the one to blame."

"Of course you're not sweetheart, don't be silly." His mother gave Leo a hug but he quickly pulled away. He was on the verge of tears and couldn't look his parents in the eye. "It _was_ my fault," he was crying now as he blurted it out. "I'd eaten something before lunch, it must've had traces of nuts in it." I forgot to wipe the surface clean, Charlie must've touched the surface." Leo sniffed hard, before continuing, "I'm sorry, it was stupid of me I just didn't think."

His father was the first to break the silence, "Don't worry son, Charlie's going to be fine - there's no harm done." The doctor said he should be well enough to go home soon."

Charlie's eyes fluttered open and he murmured something unintelligible before closing his eyes again. His mother gently stroked his hand and kissed him gently on the forehead. Oliver felt a wave of déjà vu sweep over him, his mind going back to a few of weeks ago when he had been lying unconscious in his hospital bed his own mother whispering soft words in his ear.

"When will he wake up properly?"

"Once the antihistamines take full effect it shouldn't be too long before he's fully awake." Oliver sensed everybody take a huge sigh of of relief. Himself included, his first day back at work was far from an easy one and it wasn't over yet...

* * *

><p>A few later Ollie went to check on Charlie, as he entered the room he heard voices and the sound of quiet soft laughter. "Hey it's double trouble I see! "How are you feeling now young man?"<p>

"Not too bad." The boys started to laugh again.

"Care to share the joke? "

"Can you tell us apart? Because most people can't ,even mum and dad don't always know which is which." Oliver studied their faces carefully. He shrugged his shoulders. "No, don't tell me you've tricked me? You'd find it hard though considering one you has a tube attached to your hand." Charlie gave a look of fustration. "I know, otherwise we could have fooled you!"

"Yes I'm sure you would have." He listened to Charlie's chest. "Well everything seems OK now."

"Does that mean I can go home tomorrow?"

"I should think so." By the way where's your mum and dad?"

"They have just gone out to get a coffee from the vending machine."

"I'll leave you two to it then, and make sure you get some rest Charlie." The teenage boy rolled his hazel eyes and smiled. "You sound like my mum now!" Thanks for helping me though Dr Valentine."

"My pleasure." He felt very contented as he shut the door .This is what people do the job for, he thought walking down the corridor with a confidence he had not felt in such a long time. Michael Spence caught his eye. "Hey, if it isn't the boy wonder, how has your day been?"

"Pretty good actually."

"Nice one, some people might disagree with me when I say it's good to have you back Valentine."

"Thank you Mr Spence."

It had been a long day for Ollie as he finally finished his first shift back. He was shattered but proud of himself as he drove away from the hospital. There was one more think he had to do though.

* * *

><p>Malick was watching TV and munching popcorn, when there was a knock at the door. Who was that? He sighed impatiently as he got up to answer the door, he opened it - still chewing on a mouthful which he quickly swallowed, when he saw Oliver standing in the doorway. "Can I come in?" Oliver was hoping his voice didn't sound as nervous as he felt. "Yeah, sure." Malick stepped aside to allow Ollie in. Malick turned the volume down on the TV. "You look better then you did since the last time I saw you."<p>

"Yeah, well that's down to you, thanks for everything you did for me." I owe you one and I know I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you." Malick gave a nonchalant shrug of his broad shoulders as he said, "I was just doing my job, it could easily have been somone else."

"You saw how low I was, losing Penny was the most painful experience I've been through." Then coming clean to Hanssen, and the guilt I felt afterwards..." On top of that telling my parents - of course I knew it would be tough." Malick was sitting listening nodding his head slowly. "At least we're back on speaking terms." But it's going to take time for them to trust me again."

"It'll happen, you all just need space." Oliver nodded, he knew what Malick was thinking. So he finally asked the question. "About the letter you sent me?" Malick grinned, "I don't send those types of letters to everyone y'know, but I had to be honest with you."

"I appreciate that, maybe it's what I needed, to make me think, and be honest with myself for once in my life." I never thought I was that way inclined -"

"It's alright to say the word 'gay' I won't bite your head off!" Oliver felt himself blush. For the first time since his arrival he was struggling to find the right words. He felt like a spotlight was on him. Malick was quick to pick up on his colleague's unease. "I'm sorry," Malick's voice was sincere, the last thing he wanted was for Ollie to feel under pressure. Malick now wished he'd not written such a personal letter, he should have waited. "I shouldn't have told you; like I said I can understand if this is going to effect our friendship."

"It won't, I don't want that to happen." Ollie sighed, "the truth is, I need time to get my head around everything, I need time, OK?" Malick nodded. "Of course, I totally understand," he said calmly. As Ollie looked Malick straight in the eye, he realised he did understand him. As Oliver got up to leave he put his hand on Malick's shoulder. "Thanks again, for everything."

"No need, what are friends for?" Nothing more was said as Ollie turned to go. For now at least there was nothing else to say.

**Please review thank you.**


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